I had the opportunity to speak this weekend in my home state –
Iowa! We nearly had to take a boat ride to get to the campgrounds, but we made it and it was worth the effort!

I spoke at the Iowa Girls Ministries Powette. There were about 300 girls there ranging from third- to twelfth-grade.

Despite the floods and torrential rain falling in other parts of the state, we were thankful to have blue skies and fair weather throughout the event.

In a lot of ways, it was like coming home. I can mark a lot of my own spiritual growth around the altars at this campground. I was crowned on that very stage in 1996. Coincidentally, that crowning marks the half-way marker in my life so far. (I was crowned 12 years ago and I was 12 when I was crowned.) I had the opportunity to make new friends, and it was good to see many familiar faces there, too. I got to see my own Stars sponsor and children’s pastor.

Me with my sponsor Ginger.

Me with Pastor Laurie.

I am so thankful for these women who invested in my spiritual development in such a crucial time in my life.

Recently, I had the opportunity to look through some of my mom’s old journals.  She kept record of some of the funny things and milestones in my growing up years.  Apparently, some of my favorite phrases as a child were,  “This is worthless,” and “That’s so depressing.”  I was an optimistic little girl.

As I was perusing the journal, I discovered my mom’s perspective on the only spanking I remember getting as a child:

I had gotten a tricycle for one of my birthdays.  It was beautiful.  It was dark blue and had glorious flowing blue and white streamers on the handlebars. 

When my parents decided I was old enough to graduate from doing circles around our back patio to riding on the actual sidewalk in front of our house, my mom created boundaries.  Our house was on the corner, so she used masking tape to mark off the area from the end of our sidewalk down to the start of our neighbor’s driveway.  This was practically a half-marathon to my stubby little three-year-old legs, but it was not nearly enough for me to ride freely.  I wanted to feel the wind in my hair and ride the open road!

One day, my dad was out doing yard work and keeping an eye on me as I pedaled with reckless abandon from one tape mark to the other and back again.  I decided it was time to stretch the boundaries.  My dad hadn’t been around and I thought maybe my dad didn’t know about the tape, yet.  I carefully and deliberately pedaled past the masking tape border and onto my neighbor’s driveway.  Freedom!  I felt like a regular Amelia Earhart (or at least I would have had I known who she was).

I turned around and confidently pedaled past my dad.  I figured if I pretended to not be guilty, he might not notice me.  Unfortunately, my dad had eyes like a hawk and reminded me of the importance (and reality) of the boundaries.

I turned around mumbling to myself as I rode.  I decided to show him that riding past the boundaries wasn’t as dangerous as he thought.  I self-assuredly journeyed across the border yet again.  This time, my dad had been watching.  He blocked my path as I turned around.  He warned me in his most stern daddy voice that if I took my tricycle past the border again that there would surely be a spanking in my future. 

This was shocking.  He’d never threatened this thing called “spanking” before.  I decided to find out if he was bluffing.  I rode to the corner, turned around and deliberately picked up momentum.  I turned around to make sure he was watching and pedaled right past the border and rapidly decided I might have made the wrong decision, so I’d just ride as far as I could until he caught me.  I had hardly reached the other side of the driveway before he had me in one arm, picking up my beloved blue tricycle with the other. 

He said, “Ashley, what did you just do?”

I replied, “I rode my trike…past the tape.”

“Do you know what I have to do now?”

I wasn’t completely sure what “spanking” meant, but I knew it certainly couldn’t be good, so I ventured a guess, “Take me back and get another little girl.”

My dad reassured me that I was the only little girl he wanted, but let me know that I had disobeyed and that there would be consequences.  More than 20 years have passed since that fateful day and my dad was on the verge of tears as he recounted this part of the story from his perspective. 

I realized that the Lord’s discipline is very much the same.  How often do we think to ourselves “Maybe He won’t notice,” “I’ll just show Him this isn’t as dangerous as He thinks it is,” or “The consequences can’t be that bad,” only to find ourselves moments later repenting and expecting to be immune from the consequences. 

Hebrews 12:7-11 (NIV) says, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?  If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”So thanks, Dad, for loving me enough to discipline me.  Happy Father’s Day!

With the temperatures rising and the warm summer breezes blowing, sometimes we become more sensitive to certain aromas. That’s right: B.O.

I can certainly remember the first summer I realized that I was blossoming into a beautiful flower – that had a very, um, distinct aroma. What happened? The summer before, I could play outside to my heart’s content and smell the same, but now, it seemed like I didn’t even have to do anything active to start smelling like a sweaty onion! I was pretty traumatized when my mom put the first pale pink stick of deodorant on my dresser and told me it was time to start using it. Growing up is complicated!

Many of your girls may be experiencing this for the first time this summer. It can be a pretty sensitive subject to address, but somebody’s got to do it. Many of your girls simply may not know that it’s time to start taking steps to prevent having this air about them. If you suspect some of your girls aren’t getting the hygiene message at home, it may be time to have a heart-to-heart with your girls.

Sometimes all it takes is generally mentioning the wonderful miracle that is the deodorant stick. Just a general word at the beginning of a club meeting or small group session letting the girls know that it’s important to take a shower every day during the summer and apply deodorant. Let the girls know that sometimes during the summer, they may want to apply deodorant more than once a day.

If you’re hosting a spa night or talking about hair care, this would be a good time to mention the importance of bathing and using deodorant, too. If you’re already talking about eyebrow plucking, it might feel a little less awkward to talk to your girls about general hygiene.

Some girls may not be able to afford deodorant or may be embarrassed to ask parents to buy it. Be aware of this. Some families are struggling to keep food on the table, so deodorant and toothpaste could be a luxury. Pick up a couple of extras the next time you’re at the store to have on hand for such occasions. Your church probably has a fund to help with these kinds of expenses, so you may check with your pastor or youth pastor before you stock up. Help girls talk to their parents about their new needs.

Unfortunately, other times it’s just not that simple. Some girls may not pick up the general message. Adolescence is rough. It’s even rougher if you haven’t quite mastered the art of hygiene. You may need to take some girls aside to talk to them one-to-one. Be careful to approach her out of love. Have a few supplies ready when you talk to her to ensure that she has the tools needed to implement your suggestions. Share a personal experience about your own adolescence and realizing that you needed to use deodorant.

Have a pleasant smelling summer!

Isn’t technology great? With the ease of composing an email, we have the opportunity to communicate with thousands of people at a time. I check the Facebook and MySpace pages of the girls in my small group regularly just to see what’s going on in their lives. Technology allows us to spread information rapidly and efficiently. Everything is quick and simple – most of the time.

However, due to my recent entry into the blogosphere, I’ve been thinking a lot about the very real possibilities for disaster associated with this quick and easy form of communication. One misplaced keystroke or word omitted could have potentially devastating results. To quote Peter Parker (aka Spiderman), “With great power comes great responsibility.”

I thought I’d take an opportunity to pose a few simple guidelines for technological etiquette.

Don’t type anything you wouldn’t say. Sometimes the anonymity that the cyberworld allows us causes us to be bolder (or ruder) than we would be in person-to-person interaction. In actuality, things that we write or type can last much longer than things we speak. If you (better yet – Jesus) wouldn’t say it, then don’t type or text it.

Proofread. Read through comments, emails, blogs, etc., not only to check for typos, but also to ensure you’re saying exactly what you mean and you’re communicating clearly. Keep in mind that things you type don’t carry the same voice inflection or body language that you are able to use to communicate in face-to-face interaction. Remember: TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS EQUIVALENT TO YELLING IN NORMAL SPEECH.

Don’t respond while you’re angry. If you receive a message that upsets you, log off the computer, go outside, take a walk, read a book, take a moment to pray, then come back and respond. Once you send an email out of anger, you can’t take it back.

Log off from time to time. Sending an email can be quick and simple, but emailing, instant messaging, or text messaging (don’t get me started on cell phone etiquette) will never be as personal as sending an encouraging note through the snail mail, meeting someone for face-to-face conversation over lunch, or even picking up the phone and having a conversation. The computer is great, but sometimes I miss having actual conversations. Take some time to step away from the computer and have an actual conversation with another human being.

Blog ≠ Journal. Your blog should not be your personal journal. What you post can be read by just about anyone. Blogs are a great place to share thoughts and feelings, which can be very encouraging for others going through similar circumstances, but don’t post anything you wouldn’t be comfortable being sharing in normal conversation. There is such a thing as being too transparent. Be cautious about mentioning other people in your blog. The other people in your life may not be as exuberant as you are to share every detail of your personal life with the world.

Now, let’s go and make the cyberworld a better place!

I had the opportunity to go home to Iowa this weekend to watch my little brother (who now has at least 8 inches on me) walk across the stage in his cap and gown.  We had a great time with family and friends celebrating his graduation from high school.

And now he’s looking forward.

I remember how I felt when I graduated from high school.  All I could see were opportunities.  The anxiety of moving to a new city 450 miles away from home to attend college was overshadowed by the excitement of new friends, new experiences, and boundless possibilities in front of me.

Looking back, I realize that I probably should have been a little more intimidated.  Statistics suggest that as many as 70 to 80 percent of kids from Christian homes aren’t serving the Lord after their time in college.  In my own life, I’ve watched friends lose motivation in their relationship with the Lord as they become more and more motivated by new experiences, freedom, and even academic pursuits.

I attended a great Christian university and had a wonderful experience.  I made incredible friends, had a lot of fun, and learned inside and outside the classroom.  When I graduated, I had claimed ownership of a faith that was my own and no longer inherited from my family, but I certainly experienced times of spiritual testing and trying along the way.
We as leaders are not doomed to stand by and watch our girls become part of this 70 to 80 percent.   There are a few things we can do as we partner with parents to help our girls emerge as mature Christian women.

Church visit.  When your girls go on college visits, find some churches for them to visit while they’re there.  Finding a church can seem a little ominous when there’s already so much new going on.  Visiting a church for the first time with parents or youth leaders can make a huge difference.

Make connections.  Do a little research and find some churches in the area near where your girls will be attending college.  Call the churches and make connection with the young adult pastor or leader.  Churches will generally welcome college students with open arms.  Many already have “adopt-a-student” programs in place.  If the pastor knows to look for your students, your girls will be less likely to slip through the cracks.  A list of Assemblies of God Young Adult Pastors is available at http://youngadults.ag.org/top/groups/.  Even when on a Christian campus, getting involved in a church is really important.  Church involvement helps girls feel a sense of community that will help prevent homesickness and loneliness during that tough first semester.

Find a group.  Especially for girls heading off to state universities or secular colleges, finding a Christian group on campus will be integral.  A list of Chi Alpha groups is available at http://chialpha.com/connect/locator/.  There’s strength in numbers, and having a strong relationship with the Lord on a secular campus is no exception.

Talk about it.  Don’t use these statistics as scare tactics for your girls, but let them know about the challenges ahead of them.  Knowing what the battle looks like before they head into it can help them formulate a plan.  Let the girls know that there won’t be anyone there reminding them to do their devotions, to wake them up to go to church on Sunday mornings, or to check up on them after a date.  It’s important to help girls develop discipline to do these things on their own.

Stay in touch.  This may seem like a given, but it’s so encouraging to keep receiving those phone calls, notes, and care packages.  It’s good for girls to know that someone besides their parents cares about their spiritual well-being.  Don’t be afraid to ask those nagging questions either.  During my time in college, it always seemed that I received these calls or notes on the days I most needed them.  Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you as you continue to invest in these girls.

Over the weekend, I went to the mall (which really should not come as a shock to anyone, given my love for the retail arts). As I walked the corridor, I was rudely awakened to the fact that summer is coming. And with this new season, modesty is apparently taking a vacation.

Despite the chilly, rainy weather outside, all I saw indoors were girls dressed in itty-bitty shorts and low cut tank tops. Window displays showcased skimpy suits and skirts that look like they should fit a toddler. I actually started to dread the coming summer months.

In hopes that modesty doesn’t have to be absent everywhere, I’d like to encourage each of you to take time to remind your girls about the importance of dressing modestly. Here are a few ideas:

• Go shopping. 1 Thessalonians 4:4-5 (NIV) says, “That each of you should learn to control his [or her] own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.” The problem is that we shop at the same stores as the heathen. Unless we all start making our own clothes (which is a viable option) we’re still going to have to shop at the mall. So, why not take a trip to the mall and show the girls how to shop with modesty in mind. If you find yourself to be a little trend-challenged, enlist the help of an older girl who consistently dresses modestly.

• Make it clear. Sometimes, girls just aren’t aware of the boundaries for modesty. At the beginning of the summer, it doesn’t hurt to let girls know what’s expected (specifically for church/church events). Make sure you address it from a loving standpoint without making any girls feel singled out.

• Demonstrate. Have girls choose some of their favorite modest outfits to wear in a fashion show. Have fun with it. This could be incorporated in a sleepover or retreat. Consider inviting a special speaker to come in and talk to the girls about the importance of modesty and purity.

• Call for backup. Invite a male pastor or youth pastor to talk to the girls. Recently, our youth pastor came and talked with our girls. We called it “Everything a Christian Girl Ever Needed to Know from a Christian Guy Who Isn’t Her Dad or Brother.” We let the girls ask questions. Sometimes it helps just to have the things female leaders say repeated by a male leader. (A couple of weeks later, the female leaders did the same with the guys small group. We had a lot of fun. I was pleasantly surprised by some of the questions the boys asked.)

OK, I’m starting to look forward to summer again.

The other day, I was driving and noticed a line of trees. They all appeared to be the same kind of tree, but they were all in different stages of budding. I thought it was so strange that a group of trees, all exposed to the same elements (same amount of sunlight, rain, wind, soil conditions, etc.) could all look so different. One had branches full of leaves, some were just starting to bud, and a few had several buds starting to open.

I realized that none of the trees were jealous of the tree that was already full and leafy. Trees don’t get nervous when things seem to be taking too long. None of the trees were saying, “Boy, I wish I could grow like that,” or “Wow, look how awesome I am at growing!” Not only are trees inanimate objects that don’t have feelings (unless we’re talking about the trees from Lord of the Rings), but also, trees don’t really control their own growth. Trees sit and soak up the sun and rain. Trees simply abide.

As I came to this realization, I was reminded of what Jesus said in John 15:4-7 (NASB)“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”

So, let’s take a cue from the trees. As we abide in Christ, and He abides in us, we will bear fruit. We need to be aware that this is happening not only in our own lives, but in the lives of everyone around us. Instead of being critical or envious when others are bearing fruit, we need to be encouraging and supportive. When those around us are struggling to abide and bear fruit, let’s avoid judging and seek to support them.

It’s so simple, but it’s so easy to forget. We don’t need to try to bear fruit. We don’t have to strive to achieve or accomplish anything. All we have to do is abide in Christ and he will be faithful to cause us to bear fruit.

The birds are chirping, trees are budding, flowers are blooming, and kids are itching to get out of school. Soon, daylight will be at a maximum and responsibility will be at a minimum. This can be a pretty difficult time of year to try to do “church as usual.” However, this time of year can provide great opportunities to change things up. Here are some warm weather ministry ideas:

Take it outside. Since your girls are daydreaming about the beautiful weather, move your small group outside. Let your girls go for a walk, play a game outside, or just sit in the grass and talk. The most boring of topics will take on new meaning with fresh air.

Do something for someone else. The nice weather provides ample opportunities for outdoor ministry. Organize a clean-up day at church, pick up trash at a park, or help church members with yard work. The girls will enjoy working together and feel good after a day of helping someone else.

Focus on Relationships. Not being in school can provide more opportunities for spending time having fun and getting to know one another. Take this time to get to know girls and encourage their relationships with one another. Plan sleepovers, mini golf outings, picnics, and other activities to mix things up.

Encourage Summer Reading. No school means no required reading. Long road trips and lounging by the pool can be a great time to read a thought-provoking book. Choose a book to read and discuss together or be ready to suggest books for your girls to read as an alternative to gossip magazines or other popular books.

Summer can be a great time to help your girls take the next step in their relationship with God while they’re free from the distractions of school and many of their extracurricular activities. Enjoy your sunny days with your girls!

When I think I about the women who really had an impact on my life, there’s not a Britney, Christina, or Jessica among them. (There wasn’t a Miley, Vanessa, or Leighton when I was growing up, but I’m sure they would have been omitted as well.) In part, this is due to my parents’ wisdom in helping me choose TV shows and music, but also in large part due to the fact that I had no want for female role models, though the names of my role models are much less recognizable.

My list includes my mom, who was there for every important decision ranging from accepting Christ to choosing a prom dress; Pastor Laurie, my children’s pastor who laid a solid foundation for my relationship with the Lord; Tricia, who thought is was important enough to attend my eighth-grade musical that she drove eight hours through the night after the East Middle School presentation of Bye Bye, Birdie so she wouldn’t miss it; and Melissa, who showed me what it means to really invest in the lives of girls.

It’s completely natural for teenage girls to look for role models – someone to watch as they navigate the minefield of adolescence. It’s even biblical. In 1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV) Paul says, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.”

No one is perfect. Pop princesses and pastors alike will disappoint eventually. There really is no perfect role model aside from Christ, but as girls see leaders living out exactly what it means to be a woman of God on a daily basis, they will learn from your example.

Right now, it might not seem like you’re having a greater impact on your girls than the pop stars and actresses of the world, but know that your faithfulness and consistency counts. Miley will probably never attend your girls’ soccer games. Britney won’t be teaching godly principles to your girls on a regular basis. Jamie Lynn probably won’t be taking your girls out for coffee.

Your consistent presence in your girls’ lives counts.

As you invest in the lives of girls, remember that though the girls may not wear your face on their T-shirts, sing along with your hit singles, or buy magazines with you on the cover, your life is an example they will follow.

By Sherrie Batty

If you are speaking about a particular subject with your girls, and you feel that your point would be further enhanced with an illustration, consider showing a video from GodTube or YouTube. You can begin your lesson with the video to make an immediate impression or start discussion, or talk about your point, then illustrate it with a video.

Just as an example, consider the topic of beauty and how media images set a standard that is imposed upon girls and women. You can show the following video from Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty about airbrushing to illustrate how media images alter what we know of reality.

Other examples: use a music video as a fun opening, or background while they think; play a video of a current event, such as news coverage on a school shooting to get discussion started, and help the girls to express their thoughts and feelings on the subject then lead into a Biblical Christian response in times like these or pray; if you feel someone else has said something better than you can say it show that someone else in a video clip.