First Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” Still, 88 percent of teens who take a purity pledge are not virgins when they get married. Talking to girls about purity needs to be an ongoing and frequent topic of conversation.
However, talking about purity is not easy. It’s a sensitive subject. It can be difficult to gauge what your girls already know, what they’re ready to know, and how long you can talk about sex in church without someone passing out due to the sheer embarrassment. Here are a few considerations when you start to plan your conversation.
Team up. As a leader, your job is not to parent girls, but rather to support, parallel, and reinforce what parents are already teaching. Before you start talking to girls about purity, consider having a parents meeting to communicate what you’re prepared to share. Allow time for parents to ask questions and make suggestions. Make sure the lines of communication with the parents of your girls are open and used frequently.
Get over it. You’re going to feel awkward, your girls are going to feel awkward, but just remember that these are the same girls that you’ve been developing a relationship with for the duration of your group, and get over it. They trust you. You know them. Share from your experience as a teenager. Tell them how you struggled, what you did right, and what you wish you’d known when you were in their position.
Don’t reinvent the wheel. Purity is one of the most universal topics in youth ministry. Teenagers will always be curious about sex and it will always be necessary to communicate the biblical view of sex. Because this is a common and constant struggle, many authors have done a great job of equipping you to address your girls. Here are a few great resources:
And the Bride Wore White by Dannah Gresh is a great book especially for girls in the middle school range or high schoolers who are particularly innocent. It provides an opportunity for girls to pause, journal, and pray throughout the book.
Sexy Girls by Hayley DiMarco is an excellent resource on modesty. Hayley writes in language girls will understand and talks about what guys are really thinking.
The Purity Code by Jim Burns focuses on how God created our bodies and how to handle the changes that happen during middle school years. This book is written for both guys and girls, but it might be easier to discuss in gender-specific groups.
Technical Virgin by Hayley DiMarco targets older, more mature girls asking the question, “how far is too far?” This book would be a great discussion starter for your high school girls group.
As you prepare to talk with your girls about purity, pray for wisdom and guidance to communicate clearly and pray that your girls are open and willing to make a commitment to purity.