When I’m with the girls in my small group, there usually comes a time in the lesson or discussion when I see a look come over the girls. It’s the look that says “You’ve lost me,” “I’m not thinking about what we’re talking about anymore,” or “I’m sorry, what was the question?”
It’s usually about that time that I like to use some illustration from my personal experience to draw them back in, reengage them, or help clarify what we’re talking about. Teenagers identify with stories, and the more personal the more they identify. While they tend to get lost in broad generalizations or stories about groups of people, they connect with a personal story.
Sometimes it can be difficult to determine what story will best illustrate what we’re talking about, how the girls will understand the story, and what’s too much information to share with the girls. Here are a few guidelines for deciding what to share.
Be authentic. Share with your girls from your own experience. Don’t only share your successes, but also from your weaknesses, times you’ve failed, or your struggles. Girls can appreciate leaders who are willing to admit that they have depth. As they encounter struggles, they’ll appreciate having leaders to look up to who have gone through struggles and allowed God to use them.
Share the stage. It’s not always necessary to share from your own experience. If the discussion is going well, staying on topic, and the girls are sharing, you probably don’t need to share a chapter from your autobiography, but if the girls are having trouble grasping a concept or aren’t opening up, sharing one of your life lessons could be very beneficial. Allow plenty of time for the girls to tell their own stories.
Go deep. I’ve found that in our group, the girls will usually only go as deep as the leaders are willing to go. It’s important to go beyond surface-level sharing into sharing deeper things God is speaking. Often, girls will follow your lead and begin to deepen their level of discussion.
Exercise wisdom. When you’re preparing to share from your own experience, it’s important to be genuine and share from your own weaknesses and questions, but it’s also important to be wise in what you share with your girls. Consider their maturity level and your own motivation for sharing before you open up. If you share from your struggles, be sure to talk about how God worked in your situation. Though you can’t anticipate how girls will interpret what you say, do your best to communicate clearly and provide more explanation if the girls have questions.
Enjoy getting to know your girls. They appreciate learning about you as they learn from you. If they don’t remember every lesson you ever teach them, they will remember how you live and the relational investment you make in them.