First Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” Still, 88 percent of teens who take a purity pledge are not virgins when they get married. Talking to girls about purity needs to be an ongoing and frequent topic of conversation.

However, talking about purity is not easy. It’s a sensitive subject. It can be difficult to gauge what your girls already know, what they’re ready to know, and how long you can talk about sex in church without someone passing out due to the sheer embarrassment. Here are a few considerations when you start to plan your conversation.

Team up. As a leader, your job is not to parent girls, but rather to support, parallel, and reinforce what parents are already teaching. Before you start talking to girls about purity, consider having a parents meeting to communicate what you’re prepared to share. Allow time for parents to ask questions and make suggestions. Make sure the lines of communication with the parents of your girls are open and used frequently.

Get over it. You’re going to feel awkward, your girls are going to feel awkward, but just remember that these are the same girls that you’ve been developing a relationship with for the duration of your group, and get over it. They trust you. You know them. Share from your experience as a teenager. Tell them how you struggled, what you did right, and what you wish you’d known when you were in their position.

Don’t reinvent the wheel. Purity is one of the most universal topics in youth ministry. Teenagers will always be curious about sex and it will always be necessary to communicate the biblical view of sex. Because this is a common and constant struggle, many authors have done a great job of equipping you to address your girls. Here are a few great resources:

And the Bride Wore White by Dannah Gresh is a great book especially for girls in the middle school range or high schoolers who are particularly innocent.  It provides an opportunity for girls to pause, journal, and pray throughout the book.

Sexy Girls by Hayley DiMarco is an excellent resource on modesty. Hayley writes in language girls will understand and talks about what guys are really thinking.

The Purity Code by Jim Burns focuses on how God created our bodies and how to handle the changes that happen during middle school years. This book is written for both guys and girls, but it might be easier to discuss in gender-specific groups.

Technical Virgin by Hayley DiMarco targets older, more mature girls asking the question, “how far is too far?” This book would be a great discussion starter for your high school girls group.

As you prepare to talk with your girls about purity, pray for wisdom and guidance to communicate clearly and pray that your girls are open and willing to make a commitment to purity.

I really like my routine. I like to wake up at the same time five days a week, go to work and come home at the same time every day, have sushi on Monday, a meeting on Tuesday, church on Wednesday, spend Thursday night at home, spend time with friends on Friday, sleeping in on Saturday, and going to church on Sunday. I even like the routine of the seasons of the year. I like knowing what’s going to happen next.

But every once in a while, things change. Sometimes change is good, like a vacation, wedding, or a new baby. Other times, change is just change, like moving small group to Thursday night or moving across town. Still other times, change isn’t quite as good, like the loss of a job, death of a friend or family member, or the end of a relationship.

I’ve found that I like change sometimes, especially if it was my idea to make the change. I’m notorious for changing my hair style (or color) routinely. I like to rearrange furniture and move accessories around my house. A few months ago, we decided to change our kitchen paint color from Dusty Camel to Rainforest Mist.

Recently, I realized that when I don’t like the change, it’s usually because it was someone else’s idea. Sometimes I can be so nervous about learning to do something differently or losing momentum during the shift that I’ll immediately write off the changes as a bad idea instead of jumping on board to do my best to implement the change for the benefit of everyone around me. In my experience, this attitude isn’t very good for unifying a team – especially in ministry.

The important thing is learning to look for what God is doing through the changes we experience. Romans 8:28 (NIV) assures us that “…in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Notice that Paul didn’t say “in the good things” or “in the things that look like they’re part of the plan.” No, Paul says in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. God is using the changes in your life – the good and the bad – to draw you nearer to him.

So, in 2010, challenge yourself to approach change with open eyes and an open heart to see how God is using the changes for your good (even if it wasn’t your idea J).

Christmastime is such a great time of year. Everyone gets to be with family. Everything is happy and perfect. Except when it isn’t.

For some people, Christmas can be a time where difficulties of losing a job are magnified, losing a family member seems even lonelier, and tough family circumstances are even more complicated.

Isaiah 9:2-6 says,

“2 The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death ^[a]
a light has dawned.

 3 You have enlarged the nation
and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
as people rejoice at the harvest,
as men rejoice
when dividing the plunder.

 4 For as in the day of Midian’s defeat,
you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them,
the bar across their shoulders,
the rod of their oppressor.

 5 Every warrior’s boot used in battle
and every garment rolled in blood
will be destined for burning,
will be fuel for the fire.

 6 For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, ^[b] Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

This is a prophecy about the birth of Jesus. Hundreds of years  before his birth, God thought it was important to let us know that Jesus was coming to be a light in the darkness, to be a Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace.

Jesus came to earth so that he could understand what you’re going through and how you feel. If you’re going through a difficult time this Christmas season, remember that Jesus came to offer light and comfort to dark and cold places.

Christmas can be stressful. Sometimes it feels like Christmas just multiplies our already over-stuffed to-do lists with presents to buy, things to decorate, parties to host, and extra services to plan.

The Christmas season is one of the busiest times of the year. It’s no wonder we often forget why we’re celebrating. This Christmas, here are a few ways to make sure your Christmas season is focused on the manger.

Plan for the unplanned. Everyone experiences interruptions, delays, and detours at Christmastime. So, why not plan for things to take longer than normal? Plan for things to take longer than you expect so that you won’t be frustrated when a “quick” trip to the grocery store takes an hour or the line to see Santa at the mall is a mile long. It’s better to end up having extra time than to feel like you’re running late all of the time.

Don’t expect perfection. Often, we feel pressure to make Christmas perfect. Christmas is special, and we should want to help make memories and spend time with family and friends, but Christmas will never be perfect. Plus, putting all of that pressure on yourself doesn’t exactly facilitate a relaxed, joyful Christmas season. When something doesn’t go as planned, laugh, take a picture, and make a memory of it.

Simplify. Instead of making your entire meal from scratch, find recipes that feature some store-bought portions with some easy home-made aspects. (Here are a few ideas.) Don’t be afraid to say no when you’ve already got too much on your plate. Try shopping online so that you can spend more time at home with your family. Take the “less is more” approach to the holidays.

Celebrate Advent. Make time every day to focus on the journey to the manger. This is a great Advent reading schedule. When you take time each day to remember why you’re wrapping presents and decking the halls, it helps keep you focused on the things that are really important at Christmastime.

I love this time of year. It means spending time with family and friends. But for some, spending time with family isn’t exactly a joyous occasion. Many of our girls face family situations that highlight loss, abuse, or conflict. Here are a few ideas for helping girls explore their own family situations and learn to enjoy the time they spend with family this season.

Plant some seeds.  Plant seeds in soil.  Let the girls observe the growth of the plants over the course of the unit.  When the plants start to sprout, read 1 Corinthians 3: 5-9.   Explain that as they try to witness to others, they are planting seeds that someday may result in others finding a new life in Christ.  Talk to the girls about the importance of living a godly life for her unsaved family members to see.

Keep a Journal.  Throughout the unit, have the girls keep a prayer journal of prayers they pray for their family members.  Encourage the girls to pray for specific needs of their family members.  Have the girls share with the group as prayers are answered and record the date of the prayers being answered in the journal.

Talk to Grandma.  Have the girls choose one of their grandparents to interview.  Encourage the girls to ask questions about their experiences growing up, what their parents were like as kids, and if the grandparent is a believer, have the girls ask what their experience was coming to the Lord.  If girls don’t have grandparents, suggest “adoptive grandparents” from within the church.

Give it away.  Have the girls create gifts to give to their families.  The girls could create a gift for each family member, or prepare a gift to give to the whole family.  Have the girls brainstorm ideas that would be good for their individual families or family members.  Help the girls come up with ways to pleasantly surprise their family members.

Family night.  Have the girls plan a family fun night.  Girls could come up with a family fun night to prepare for her family or you could plan a family fun night as a club.  Have the girls brainstorm ideas for fun, cheap, or free things to do as a family.  Make sure all of the girls will have family members who can attend or arrange to have “adoptive” families come and participate with the girls.

Let’s cook!  As a club, take a night to prepare a meal that can be frozen and reheated to serve as a meal for the whole family (lasagna or chili work well) – think meal-assembly kitchens (like Super Suppers).  Encourage the girls to set the table, serve the meal to her family, and give mom or dad the night off from cooking and doing dishes.  Make sure you keep in mind food allergies when planning the meal preparation.

Helping your girls determine their strengths and helping them explore using those gifts to glorify God is one of the most important tasks of youth ministry. Here are a few thoughts on helping your girls develop their gifts.

Bring in some guests. Choose several women in your church to come and talk to your girls about the different career paths they’ve chosen. Choose a teacher, businesswoman, stay-at-home mom, doctor, lawyer, or other women who have interesting careers. Encourage the women to talk about how God uses them in their careers to minister to those around them. Talk to your girls about the variety of choices they have for their careers and how they can be used by God in those careers.

Interview some experts. Have each girl choose a field she is interested in going into. Have each girl interview an individual or several individuals who is/are already working in that field. Have the girls summarize their findings to the group.

Research it. Have each girl choose a talent they have and let them brainstorm and research some different ways this talent could be used for the Lord (careers, ministry opportunities, witnessing opportunities, etc.). Encourage the girls to interview someone who has chosen to utilize his or her talent in a career.

Look up to someone. Have the girls choose a believer whom they look up to (a pastor, evangelist, worship leader, Sunday school teacher, etc.). Have the girls interview the person about how they discovered their talents, how God has used their talents in the past, and the way they use their talents today.

Get creative. Let the girls think of their own project. Have them use their talent in any way they want that could be an expression of worship, method to witness, or other way to minister.

Utilize your talents. Let your girls use their talents for a special church service, youth service, or your celebration. Let the girls sing, put together a video presentation, do a dramatic presentation, or speak.

Character Study.  Help the girls choose a Bible character to study.  Have the girls focus on how God used the characters’ different talents to accomplish His will through them. Have the girls share their finding with the group.

Take the test.  Have the girls take a spiritual gifts test.  A great test is available online for free  - http://youth.ag.org/discipleship/ - then click on the “Spiritual Gift Testing” link at the top of the page.  Have the girls share their giftings with the club.

A couple of years ago, I was a sales clerk at a furniture store.  While I was working there, I met a lot of really interesting customers.  It was great experience in preparing for ministry! Some customers were very nice, some were not-so-nice, and some were incredibly memorable.

One of the most memorable customers was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.  By magazine cover standards, her beauty probably wouldn’t have made any covers.  She was probably in her mid-60s.  She had grayish-white hair and looked like your run-of-the-mill grandma, except for one very distinguishable feature.  She smiled all the time.  She even had these great dimples that served as exclamation points on either side of her pleasantly upturned mouth.

As she talked she called me “sweetie” and “honey” and smiled, and I would have given her anything in the store if she would have told me she needed it.  I wanted her to shop in the store every day that we were open!  I pictured us plopping down on one of the comfortable couches and striking up conversations every day.

All of her smiling made me wonder what she had to smile about.  She didn’t look particularly wealthy.  She had a nice husband who shopped with her sometimes, and she had that distinctive grandma look, so I figured she probably had children and grandchildren.  I hoped she was a believer, because I figured her smile would be an incredibly effective witnessing tool. Whatever it was that made her smile, I wanted it for myself!

My experiences with this beautiful smiley woman made such an impact on me that I decided to make a conscious effort to smile more often.  I quickly realized that it’s a little harder than it looks, but with practice it gets a little easier.  As I started practicing, I noticed that people smiled back.  Smiling more made me want to be nicer.  People started being nicer back. It’s a wonderful cycle!

Sometimes it feels like we might not have a lot to smile about. The news can be so depressing and sometimes life simply doesn’t turn out the way we thought it would. But, this is a great time of year to reflect on how the Lord has blessed you and what He’s given you to smile about.

Optimism and gratefulness are so rare that it’s very refreshing to encounter someone who smiles consistently. I think it surprises people when we stop, look them in the eye, and flash our pearly white smile at them.  So, do your own smile experiment and let me know how it goes!

When I was a sophomore in high school, I started a campus club that failed miserably. My youth pastor was so supportive and even helped me re-start our campus club the next year.

Unfortunately, the students we lead won’t succeed at everything they attempt. One of the greatest lessons we can instill in our students is how to recover. Here are a few tips for helping students overcome their failures.

Revisit. One of the toughest parts about growing up is coming to the understanding that the people we look up to the most don’t succeed at everything they do. Be honest with your students about a time you tried something that didn’t work. Share what you did or didn’t do, how you recovered, and what you learned.

Reevaluate. Help your students take an honest look at what happened. Instead of simply moving on from something that went wrong, take time to learn a lesson from what happened. If they started a campus club that flopped, identify how the club was publicized, what time it met, and why students didn’t come.

Reframe. Instead of asking what went wrong, focus on what went right, what students learned, and what could be done better next time. Focus on moving forward with greater wisdom and lessons learned.

Redirect. This is one of the most critical steps to recovering from a misstep. Make sure that your students are operating in the area of their giftedness. If you have a student who is painfully shy, don’t put her in charge of hospitality. If you have a student who is completely tone deaf, don’t have her lead worship. Encourage students to grow in areas of weakness, but let students operate in areas of strength.

Re-launch. Don’t let students wallow in self-pity. Encourage your students to move forward. Help them restart a campus club. Provide opportunities for them to use the lessons they learned through their reevaluation process. Even if it means going a different direction completely, encourage students to use the gifts they have and move forward.

As a leader, when your students want to start campus clubs, it can be difficult to know your role, how to resource your students, and what your involvement should be.

Youth Alive has many great resources for you as a leader as you support your students in starting and leading a club on their campus.

One great resource is the website. The site has many free resources ranging from curriculum for students to use in their Bible studies, forums for your students to find support and connect with other students across the country, and resources on the basics of starting a club.

Another great resource is the Campus Clubs Digisource. This CD-ROM is easy to use and provide a wealth of information and ideas for leaders and students.

The best way to help your students as they become involved in campus clubs is to support them. Make sure they have the resources they need to lead a club. Encourage and cheer them on as they take risks. If their school permits it, you may want to be available to your students by showing up for their first meeting or two. Make sure your students know you’re just there to support them and let them step up and take the lead of the club.

Yesterday I spent nearly an hour wandering aimlessly around the grocery store in search of a can of pumpkin. Since today is the first day of fall, I wanted to celebrate by baking some pumpkin goodies. But, apparently I’ve missed out on the hubbub of what is turning out to be the Great Pumpkin Shortage of 2009. 

So instead of symbolically putting on my scarf and fall jacket in the kitchen by filling the house with the smell of pumpkin bread, I had to settle for lemon ricotta muffins (which, by the way, turned out to be quite the tasty treat). 

In my world, the first day of fall is always a day to celebrate. Since I grew up in the northern Midwest, I relish in the cool weather. I’m one of the rare individuals who actually enjoys days getting colder and colder until you can actually see your breath in the morning and have to bundle up to look like Randy in A Christmas Story in order to go outside. 

Seasons changing are such a beautiful reminder that everything in life is cyclical. The long silent death of winter gives way to spring with its new growth; summer is the time for things to flourish, and fall is the time for things to mature, change, and start to die. 

Fall, more than any other season, reminds me of God’s faithfulness to me. It seems like fall has always been a season of change in the world around me as well as in my own life. Big moves, job changes, and relationship changes seem to always happen during this time of year. The change of weather reminds me of how things have changed in my life and how God has remained faithful in every season. 

Psalm 25:10 (ESV) says “All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.” Even though things in my life haven’t always been perfect and big changes have thrown me off course to the point that I didn’t know if I’d ever find my way back, as I’ve continued to find refuge in Him, He’s been faithful to keep me with His steadfast love. 

As things have changed in my life, there’s always a point of deciding to die to myself and rely on God’s faithfulness to keep me, realizing that even though things might not look the way I’d thought they would I can trust that God is good and faithful. 

Even though things outside are dying, hibernating, and moving south, these changes are so beautiful. God set the leaves changing color, birds migrating south, and even beautiful fall produce as reminders of the beauty that comes in dying. 

So, today I’m listening to “The Great Pumpkin Waltz,” sipping coffee, eating my non-pumpkin fall muffin, and reflecting on God’s faithfulness to me in every season.